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Hi there! I’m Samantha,

and this space encompasses my personal milestones made beautiful in His time. Combining my flair for easy-to-read writing and my love for photography, here you'll find me sharing the thing I'm most passionate about - travel, food, fashion and my conversations with God.

*P.S when God was blessing others with the gift of height, He left me out realizing that great things come in tiny packages, so instead I am gifted with endless energy and a big wide smile to get through difficult times.

Forever & always, a child of God. Through this cozy little virtual haven, I hope each post inspires at least someone out there with my life stories.

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Going Solo: I went into labour by myself during Covid

                                lifetime adventure 

                                                   

Being an independent woman meant I'm comfortable doing many things alone. Eating, watching movie, shopping... you name it. Still, I never thought I'd be laboring and giving birth by myself without anyone I knew by my side. Well, Covid happened. My husband was still in quarantine - we were short of just one day but our baby decided to break my water bag.

If my husband can't come out of quarantine, my baby has got to come out. This is the story of how I delivered my baby all by myself (of course with the help of a great medical team) and this is THE most daring thing I've done... thus far...

Here's the story...







Shortly after midnight, I closed my laptop and went to pee but I felt a gush of water coming out uncontrollably. first thought?

don't tell me my water bag burst.

yes, darling, I'm afraid it is...

My brains knew what that was but I kinda chose to be in denial mode and headed back to bed with a really heavy heart. we are just ONE DAY short of Dwayne exiting quarantine.

I WAITED 13 DAYS, DON'T DO THIS TO ME BABYYY!

I really wanted both of us to witness Em's birth together especially since Dwayne already wasn't with me half of my pregnancy (*context: He was in Hong Kong, I came back to Singapore earlier)

talk about Murphy's Law.....

However, once I laid down in bed, more water gushed out. The next thing I knew, it felt like I peed in my bed. Stood up and my floor was soaking wet...

OK THIS IS IT. THAT'S IT. LOOKS LIKE I WILL HAVE TO GO INTO LABOUR ALONE!
*mulan warrior mode on*


Chronicles of 13 Jan

2.30am

no pain yet. took a shower, grabbed my wallet, phone, pillow (really, that's all you need for labour. other things can come later) and headed for the hospital. my hospital bag was not even packed and was in the other house.

3.15am

arrived at A&E.

nurses pushed me directly into the delivery suite. no pain, no contractions yet so I told myself I better do everything I need to before the pain kicks in - that includes ordering food for the next day, posting IGS and texting people I AM IN LABOUR NOW! #priorities...

meanwhile, I told my mum to go home and come tomorrow instead since first labour average takes 12 - 18 hours anyways (or so I thought)... I wanted to rest alone, undisturbed.

3.30am

nurse strapped me on CTG monitoring and checked dilation. I was a grand total of..... 1 cm dilated. she told me that once water bag bursts, baby should ideally be out in less than 24 hours and then threw the million dollar question... "DO YOU WANT TO BE INDUCED?"...

I was like huh.. thought only need to induce if water bag doesn't burst. how come I still need to decide? but since the option was presented to me, I had to choose.

if I choose no, I will just lie in bed and play the waiting game.

if I choose yes, no guarantee that it will work for me but there's

a 50% chance it may work. should I bet on it?

my math isn't the best but I counted. even if I wait 24 hours, Dwayne won't be out of quarantine (14th, 12pm) and I wouldn't risk our baby's heartbeat dropping or us going into complications just because I wanted my husband by my side. in that case, let's be practical and get this baby out.,, quick...

and since I'm doing this alone, please god, please make this a quick and smooth one. please be with me. trusted my own instincts and decided to bet on that 50% chance. let's induce.

4.30am

things started to progress. heavy bleeding started. by 5.15am, contractions kicked in. more so intense back pelvic pressure than cramps. dilation progressed to 3 cm. I placed the right bet, hallelujah! pain was bearable but it was still too early for epidural.

6+am

nurse came in to check, was about 4cm dilated so she threw me another million dollar question... "DO YOU WANT EPIDURAL?"... NOW is the best window, you have 5 mins to decide. was feeling quite conflicted because pain was still bearable - a part of me wanted to be a hero but my logical mind took over. "hey noone is giving you an award for being tough, people create epidurals for a reason, just take it, else live to regret"

so yes, I opted for an epidural. or "happy-dural" some say...

10 mins later...

the nurses told me my first choice anaesthetist didn't pick up his phone and asked if i was ok to go with another. at this point, I was IN HUGE PAIN. seriously, tom dick harry whoever is available, just get someone! it's not like I have a choice right...

6.45am

anaesthetist arrived by 6.45am but before she jabbed me, she needed me to sign a consent form. I was in SO MUCH PAIN I COULDN'T EVEN HOLD A PEN. but since there was no next of kin with me, I used all my might to SIGN that document (without reading) and that energy came from my motivation to get that jab.

7.15am

Epidural administered.

had to squeeze my "LAST BREATH" to tell her I have scoliosis because she wasn't my chosen doctor and somehow idk why but she couldn't tell nor did she read my records?!? luckily I told her, so she asked me to sit up instead of lying down.

I HAD NO ENERGY TO MOVE. TOO PAIN, DYING.
luckily for my petite frame, 2 nurses lifted me up from the bed and moved me around according to her instructions.

7.45am

waited SILENTLY (too pain to even scream) in bed for the epidural to take effect while staring at the clock, counting down to pain-free moment. INSTEAD, THE PAIN ESCALATED. I WAS IN TEARS.

isn't epidural supposed to suppress the pain? how come everyone says epidural is a life saver but not for me? or maybe it's just me? am I a weirdo?

8am

when I realized that epidural didn't work for me, I called for the nurse. she was equally puzzled at my in-pain state but decided to up my dosage thinking it may help...

she would come in to check on me 10 mins later. but 3 mins in, I knew I COULDN'T wait any longer. I used (another) LAST BREATH to DRY SCREAM (eh this one requires energy ok) VERY LOUDLY making sure the entire corridor could hear me. "if I don't make noise, no one is going to take me seriously."

my plan worked - 3 nurses RUSHED into my ward. told them this epidural really isn't working, it's not about the dosage. that's when they called anaesthetist back... *facepalm*

8.30am

let's not go into another long story about this anaesthetist, basically she misgauged and jabbed the wrong spot so I had to get another jab. who gets 2 epidurals?!? yours truly.

and she knew it could be wrong because she murmured "oh if the first one didn't work, then I know where to jab now". MY GOODNESS!!!

cut the story short, epidural worked this round. thank god no immediate major side effects (eg. fever / vomit) even with two jabs. only my legs were numb and I was shivering uncontrollably. but at this point, everything else was bearable especially after going through massive pain (which could have been avoided) for 3 hours.

also, 8 cm dilated! that meant progress! def didn't expect to dilate so fast since i've heard stories of women who do not dilate at all...

was surprised and happy, oh god you answered my prayers and also

I thanked myself for being decisive and logical right from the start.

9.15am

the midwife came in to rehearse "pushing ceremony".

this was by far the next toughest thing after enduring the pain from earlier on. because with epidural, hey I couldn't even feel my legs, let alone feel the push...

this practice took about 45 mins. this is also when Dwayne (finally) woke up from his beauty sleep and connected via video call. yes, he missed all the "exciting parts" but it's not like I had any energy to talk to him when in pain anyways.

and you know in dramas, you watch husbands encouraging wife to "BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT AND PUSH" when she's in pain... nah, nothing of this sort. because at this point, I was feeling PAINLESS.

not so drama after all. I just needed to focus on pushing.

it was a mental frustration more than a physical one.

all that was on my mind - "how do we get the baby out?"

within the next hour or so...

my gynae appeared.

that meant SHOW TIME!

spent about another 15 mins pushing and baby came out!

that was a grand total of...

approx 6 hours of labour!


tips on quick labour?

no idea, i surprised myself too. no prenatal yoga / pilates classes, no swimming routines, I DID NOTHING. some women try doing so much but still end up in 20-30 hours of labour so only god knows.

other tips?

go into labour with ZERO expectations. don't be fixated on wanting certain things or procedures. i love hearing other people's birth stories but i don't read up on what to expect because if things turn out diff from my head knowledge,

at least I won't panic. so don't scare yourself.

oh yes fighter mode on! I told myself cmon I can do this. I have no one with me, but I trust the medical team and God is with me. I only have ONE JOB - go in there, get the baby out, safely. I did it.


F I N A L L Y,
I N   M Y   A R M S

I took a really long time for me to write this birth story because a part of me had to be at peace with why I ended up going through labour independently.

truly the bravest thing i've done.

no one knows the pain I went through in silence; words can't even describe. i'm truly proud of myself and this amazing miracle.

hope my story inspires someone out there. you're not alone.

you go girl!

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